Instant boost: lower intonation at end of sentences, reduce how quickly/often you nod, pause 2 sec. before you speak
Charismatic Behaviours
Prescence: focus and listen to others
Check if mind is fully engaged <— breath (focus on toes) and focus back
Behaviours must originate in mind to avoid microexpression (whatever mind believes, body manifests)
Truly believe that person is interesting. Truly believe that you must talk to them
Obstacles
Physical discomfort: try to prevent, recognize, and remedy
If anxious about situation, transfer responsibility
Visualize handing responsivility to God and believe that everthing taken care of
Should never compare with others —> not present in situation. Use responsibility transfer
Self-criticism destoys charisma
Self doubt only increases as you climb up career ladder
Overcoming Obstacles
Destigmatize discomfort and normalize it
Think about how role models will handle discomfort
Others have same experience
Neutralize negativity: recognize that it might not be because of you and that we often focus on negativity
Thoughts are grafitti on wall. Label and depersonalize
Do not try to suppress
Rewrite reality
If something bad happens, rewrite belief about why
Write down upsides of unfortunate even
If someone hurt you, write a letter and a response, but never send it
Delve into sensations to become comfortable with discomfort
Mental States
Visualize triumphant moment to instill confidence
Can use phrases to help and music. Have self-confidence counsellor (imaginary role model)
Warmth have to feel gratitude
Gratitude and appreciation: focus on little things/3rd person/funeral
Goodwill and compassion: always wish well of other (imagine angel wings/3 things you like). Compassion: put into their shoes and never assume anything (went through hard life)
Self-compassion: accept that bad things happen; be kind and realize that everyone is going through it
Meta: imagine good deed and Jesus having great warmth and accepting youUse confident body language
Have warmup before big event: walk, catch up with friend, avoid willpower depletion before event
Charisma Styles
Focus charimsa: based on prescence and listening
Risk: no power/confidence and too intensely focused (no warmth)
Use in most situtations except in authority/immediete compliance
Visionary charisma
Risk: temper with practicality
Use: situations to inspire creativity
Kindness charisma: based on warmth and complete accceptance
Risk: overattachment and overeager to please
Use: difficult situations that need emotional bonds
Authority charisma: high power through confidence
Risk: can be too dominant, so temper with warmth
Use: crisis, business
Choose style with personality, time and goal
Experiment in low-risk scenarios
First Impressions
People like similar people (have similar clothes, appearances and talk
Have good handshakes
Compliment and ask open, probing questions (from where were you born —> how was it growing there, what brought you here?)
Answer questions —> personal note —> redirect to them
Exit: duty, give some value (info, connection, visibility
Dont worry about conversation, just remember to make them feel good
Speaking and Listening With Charisma
Listening requires prescence ⇒ cannot wander and wait
Pay close attention to your conversation with others
No interruptions! Let other people interrupt you
Pause between lsitening and speaking to show that you have absorbed it
Charismatic Speaking
People will associate you with the feeling you produce
Take a compliment
Stop
Absorb
Show adsorbtion
Thank them thoughtfully
Associate people with positive associations (eg. movie star) such that you treat them well
Don’t need to be smart, make them feel smar
Use vivid image and metaphors. Choose carefully to make sure it is not offensive
Deliver value: entertainment, information, good feeling
Vocal power: low and resonant voice, project, slow with pause
Warmth: smile/think about smiling
Charismatic body language
Charismatic people are able to pass on emotions to others
Mimic others: selective and lag it, but it works very well
If other had negative body language: mirror, then lead
If angry, change body language 1st, then mind
Personal space is very important: sit 90 degrees to other person
Eye contact is crucial: visualize tirumphant/warm movement to de-tense eye contact
Be the big gorilla —> confidence boost
Regal posture for reassurance: less nodding/vocal tics/fidgeting
Difficult Situations
Divide and conquer: in groups, have different style for different people
Ask for opinion (Ben Franklin effect) and remind them of past help
Sincere appreciation
Difficult people: empathy
Bad news: choose time and place to increase their comfort
Be in compassionate or empathethic mindset
Mention specifics
Critique behaviour and how it made you feel, not them