Introduction

Usually we have no clue what causes ugly action/own bad behaviours
Knowing laws will lead us to anctipate nasty actions, gain control over us
Thoughts ad modds not controlled by the concious by tby human nature
The destructive potential of human nature greater than ever
Effect of laws:
- Makes you calmer and strategic —> freeing from drama
  - Understand that behaviour from deep emotions —> more tolerant
- Makes you the master intrepreter —> judge characters
  - Analyze people past the 1st impression
- Outthink the tocix to prevent emotional long-term damage
- Teachers you how to motivate and influence people
- Gives power to alter own negative patterns
- Creates a more emphathethic person
- Makes you actualize into potential

Master Your Emotional Self

The Law of Irrationality: Veering towards ideas that feed your ego will lead to your downfall. Rationality can overcome and prevent this from happenining

Ex: Fall of Athens. Wisdom of Perciles —> deaths —> Athens becomes emotional —> leads to disastorous defeat at Syracuse
- Pericles understood that Athenians are not rational as they like to believe
- Thought that conciousness has to worship something, so he made them worship the mind and rationality
- Never made decisions in emotion, but analyzed himself
- Opened mind to many options and imagined all consequences
- No one is born rational. Have to train yourself
- Put scruitiny on emotions you feel —> goes away —> clear decision making
When things go wrong, we tend to blame outside forces
- When analyzing outside forces, we get more emotional because the forces are hard to understand, as we are only guessing
We go wrong mostly because of irrationality, which affects everyone
- Ex: 2008 crash caused by overly emotional investors
Problem: we don’t have access to emotions and hard to communicate
Rational people are aware of emotions and try to act on them. Irrational are not
- Not transcending emotions but being aware and controlling them
Path towards rationality
- Recognize the biases
  - Biggest emotion is desire for pleasure and avoidance of pain
  - Confirmation bias: finds evidence that we want to believe
    - Try to find evidence that disconfirms beliefs
  - Conviction bias: we believe in idea so much it must be true
    - Just because you are convinced doesnt mean you are right
  - Appearance bias: fall for appearance and then associate good appearance with good qualities
  - Group bias: think you are a non-conformist, but you are
  - Blame bias: blame others/circumstances for failures, not yourself
  - Blame bias: blame others/circumstances for failures, not yourself
- Beware the Inflamming Factors
  - Caused by external stimulus —> focus on intense emotion —> reactive
  - Childhood trigers: usually childish and out of character
    - Misreading present for past, which leads to conflict
  - Sudden gains/losses: lose knowledge of luck and will lead to conflict
    - Step back and counterbalance with optimism/pessimism
  - Rising pressure: becomes stressful and lash out
    - Notice rising stress/pressure —> detach and monitor. No one is immune to stress
  - Inflamming individuals: charismatic people that can put in emotions in you
    - Look at effect on others: can’t stop thinking, becomes loyal fan
    - Think they are in front and demythologize them
  - Groups: feel collective emotion. Remove yourself from the group
- Bring Out Rational Self
  - Real examples: people and maker’s mindset
  - Know self: catch emotions and analyze. Weakness, bad decisions, strength
  - Look at root of the emotion, be neutral and analyze
  - Increase reaction time: sleep on it and reflect
  - Accept people as facts: try to figure out people instead of changing them
    - Ex: Chekhov thought everyone is trying to fulfill their own goals, so he could forgive them easier
  - Balance emotion and thinking: rider and horse

Transform Self-Love Into Empathy

The Law of Narcissim: Narcissim blunts the strongest tool for social interaction: empathy

People need attention and will do anything to get it
- Use self-esteem to give yourself attention when ignored
Deep narcissist: no sense of self, so either isolate themselves or try to gain attention
- If challenged, will get touched and play the victim
- Considers as extensions of self and uses them only for attention
Narcissistic leader;: more ambition than the deep narcissist but is hypersensitive
- Becomes control freak to gain attention
Functional narcissist: self-absrobed but doesn’t need constant attention. This is most of us
Healthy narcissist: stronger and resilient and doesnt need validation
- Able to direct focus on work rather than seeking attention
- Have full control over empathy
4 components of empathetic skill set
- Empathetic attitude
  - Acknowledge biases lead to the wrong judgements
  - Be flexibe and open to different people, everyone is unique
  - Listen carefully to others and consider their point of view
  - Fight attribution bias (mistakes of others are from flaws and not circumstances)
- Visceral empathy
  - Try to find the mood of the other person and their intentions
  - Mirror effect: reflect body actions and movement —> liking
  - Has to be subtle, otherwise it is creepy
- Analytic empathy
  - Look out for childhood experiences —> values based on those experiences
  - Find out what makes them unique
- Empathetic skill:
  - Get evidence to make sure you are making progress
  - Either get feedback directly (eg. ask for thoughts and feelings after guess) or indirectly (sense their rapport)
  - Meet lots of different people and never settle into judgement
  - Watch how they interact with others
4 examples of narcissitic type
- Complete control: Stalin. Initially warm then cold —> power attitude
  - Usually troubled childhood, no deep relationships
- Theatrical: Jeanne de Belciel, nun who got possessed
  - Made a complete show of piety and faked everything. See through everything
- Narcissitic couple: Leo and Sonya Tolstoy and constant fighting
  - Empathy and understanding partner’s value system could fix these troubles
- Healthy: Shackleton and abandonment on floe and leadership
  - Used empathy to keep morale higher. Attunde behaviour to each person and developed a positive mindset

See Through People’s Mask

The Law of Role-playing: People will always show themselves in best possible light so don’t trust your first impressions. Instead they will show their true self in non-verbal cues.

Ex: psychologist Erickson and amazing observation skills
- Paid attention to people’s actions. Notcied people became more self-absorved and less observant as they age
- Need to recognize own self-absorbancy and observe more people.
Developing observational skills
- Slowly step through facial expressions, voices and posture
- Cannot be obvious. Keep others talking, mirror them and they will reveal more non-verbal cues
- Establish other person’s baseline expression/mood to notice changes
- Observe people in different settings
- Always subtract personal bias from observation
- Culture has a big effect on non-verbal cue meaning
- Turn power to yourself to help you get better control of mask
Decoding keys: see if cues either like/dislike, dominant/submissive, decive
- Dislike/like: look for microexpressions or expressions that last for several seconds
  - Will tend to say somtheing to distract you from real emotions
  - Compare body language in interaction with others
  - Look at smiles and voice to note if someone likes you
- Dominance/submission: gauge confidence level
  - Can use confidence to gain more power
  - More relaxed look and freer movements. Insecure: touch themselves, nervous
  - Symptom: way of asserting dominance. One person as to tend to the other
- Deception:
  - Very extra and playing on conviction bias/very professional
  - Some body parts are tensed, emphasis of words is off
  - Lead them on and ask weird questions to note their raw reaction
Impression management: wear mask for successful career. Mask of authencity
- Master nonverbal cues: alter style for more confidence dominance
- Be a method actor: imagine own experience to create right emotion
- Adapt to audience: speech and non-verbal
- Create proper 1st impression: try being friendly and neutral
- Use dramatics: make yourself less predictable, use selective absences
- Project saintly qualities: always project good qualities
Ex: Augustus and mask of emperor of people

Determine Strength of People’s Character

The Law of Compulsive Behaviour: Look deeper at the person and not their image. Look at their habits and earlier life. Note how they react to adversity, people and other situations. Know thyself.

Ex: Howard Hughes meddlesome bahaviour in movies and airplanes
- Childhood dependence on parents —> control freak in later life
- Able to mask it and lure people into bad deals
“Character is destiny”- Heraclitus
Our character controls us. Basis built in early childhood
Even strongest parts of character will wear down. Can create conflict
Find own character/habits and read others (make character a primary value)
Actions, past and present is a pattern that is central to character
- People will never do something just once
- Look at how they handle everyday affairs, crises, off work and patterns
Identify if person is an extrovert or an introvert
Measure relative strength of character by resilience and adaptibility
- Challenge people via open projects, jokes, rumors, criticism
Toxic personalities
- Hyperperfectionist: work hard to maintain standards but cannot delegate
- Rebel: hates authority and wants to be superior and powerful
  - Past: authority figure disappointed them, relationshi[ break up was bad
  - Personalizer: always touched. Parents didnt give enough. Sad
  - Drama magnet: always has drama <— early life based on that
  - Big talker: flaker and never commits. Inconsistent parents
  - Sexualizer: sees everything for sex. Sexual abuse survivor
    - Will use power to get what they want
  - Pampered prince: wants attendants. Parents pampered them
  - Pleaser: unnatural kindness, but doesn’t like you. Strict parents
  - Saviour: want to save/control you. Carded for siblings/parents
  - Easy moralizer: eloquent SJW but hypocritical. Cannot accept imperfections
Set character that will dictate actions and behaviours in everyone
Analyze charcter and use it to become a better version of you
- Take weaknesses and recognize and use as strengths
  - Ex: Joan Crawford used hypersensitivity to become a good actress
Develop resilience via habits: regularly put yourself in stressful situations, do boring tasks with patience and keep changing

Become an Elusive Object of Desire

The Law of Covetousness: Absence and presence can have huge effects on us. Use it to generate mystery around you in a startegic manner, and you will be greatly desired. Embrace circumstances not fate

Ex: Coco Chanel
- Used mystery and absence to craft the Chanel brand, started with trend-setting fashions to perfumes
- She was so successful because she knew the subconcious & transgressive desires of her audience. She then surrounded herself with mystery and aimed for high reach
Instead of focusing on what you want, focus on what others want and meet those desires
People like imaginations to be stimulated, so do that via creating mystery (hide your work or associate it with something completely new)
“Pleasure isn’t in the fulfillment, but in the pursuit” - Pierre-Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais
All humans have the ‘grass is always greener’ syndrome, where things we are familiar with lose their appeal for something novel
- If we get close enough to the novelty, we can see through the illusion
Three reasons why this syndrome occurs:
- Our brain is conditioned to think of compare and contrast (induction). Whenever a concept is born in our head, we immediately think of the opposite
- We are inclined towards a continual negative bias for evolutionary reasons as it prevents complacency
- Our brain cannot distinguish real and imaginary extremely well
This syndrome is not bad: it helps us with innovations and imagination. We just need to understand how to use it properly
Our world is becoming more self-absorbed, so people cannot really benefit off other’s covetousness because we are conditioned not to by media
- People say the transparency of our generation is great, but this is more laziness. Try to perfect the art of desire
In order to make this law work, you need to objectify yourself and your products. Others don’t really care about your internal emotions and thoughts, they project their emotions on you
- If you can understand these projections, then you can create objects of desire
Strategies for creating desire:
- Know how and when to withdraw: If you are too open, then you will get disrespected. Use push and pull to generate mystery and people will crave
  - You can use this for the work that you produce. Leave the intrepretations open-ended
- Create rivalries of desire: our desires stem from other’s desires. Create sensations and others will follow hearing about sensations from their close ones
  - If you can demonstrate that others value you, your value with whoever you are talking to increases accordingly
- Use induction: By associating yourself with something slightly ilicit, people will actually want to be around you more
  - If you can associate with the base desires of human (eg. youth, money, success), people will follow you more
- Remember that people are attracted to desire, not possession. You need to constantly cultivate desire by withdrawing and renewing yourself so people don’t fully understand you
We can use the grass-is-greener syndrome to motivate us to become better than what we are right now. This can be used even in old age when people start to be complacent
- However, we need to keep this discontent under control. If we mindlessly follow the greener grass, we can waste so much time and energy
What is most important is that we seek to truly understand our current reality and ourselves so that we are not constantly chasing the new and unfulfilling things in life

Elevate Your Perspective

The Law of Shortsightedness: We often value the present far more than we need to, making us overreact or fall to cons. Be wary of those who are reactive and cannot see the consequences of their actions. Focus on your goals and stay abreast of the larger trends

Ex: South Sea bubble
- John Blunt fuelled speculation into the South Sea Company, which actually didn’t do anything
- It rose to astronomical heights, but once people realized that South Sea was a useless company, the stock price fell drastically and many people lost a lot of money
There were a few reasons that Blunt failed:
- First, he was swept up in the French fever of buying joint-share stocks and lost the ability to consider consequences
- Second, he never did his due diligence and start to shrink his mental time frame
When people start to lose the connection between actions and consequences, they lose control of reality
Even though we tend to value the present far more than the past and future, we need to always consider the other two time phases. This is the only way we can exercise our reasoning powers
- Lots of people out there play on this. We have to stay ever-vigilent and take a step back before making decisions
Humans are really impatient and many of our consequences could have been realized if we just waited a little longer to understand the situation surrounding our decisions
- Time is the greates teacher, the revealer of reality
To give us the benefit of hindsight in the present for any decisions we want to take, we have to take the farsighted perspective
- First: when facing any situation, detach yourself from the heat of the situation
- Second: Understand the problem and context deeply
- Third: for any strategies that we have thought of, play it out in your mind and determine the consequences that could happen
- Fourth: for any actions we choose, determine whether it plays in line with our long-term goals
Why do we fall to shortsightedness? Our brain is hardwired for instant gratifcation and shortsighteness due to evolutionary history
- It paid a lot more in caveman times to tend to immediate worries rather than the future
- Shortsightedness is also contagious. Avoid shortsighted people as much as possible
Signs of shortsightedness and strategies to overcome
- Unintended consequences:
  - Examples: overthrowing Julius Caesar to save the Republic ironically led to the end of the Republic under Octavius, British created a flawed reward system to capture cobras in Delhi and cancelling the program tripled the cobra numbers, Prohibition, Pearl Harbour, putting restrictions on rebellious teens, emphasizing happiness to depressed people, prying into SO’s lives
  - These examples and more are all based on people reacting to a situation with insufficient information and thinking. There is an inordinate amount of nonconsequential thinking
  - People and situations are complex. Focus on avoiding negative consequences and game out as much as you can. Thinking about consequences might convince you to wait
- Tactical hell:
  - Ex: constantly reacting to someone else, degrading to pettiness and defensiveness. You become embroiled in drama
  - Withdraw from these battles and come back to your core values and priorities in life. Strategy > tactics
- Ticker tape fever:
  - Notifications about events arise a feeling of trying to know everything in the present, contributing to impatience that spills out in our lives
  - In isolation, these current information tells us nothing
  - Ex: Lincoln knew that the North would win because of more men and resources. However, those around him got caught up in the daily losses and urged him to negotiate. Lincoln stuck with his resolve and won the Civil War
  - A combination of stepping back, examining long-term goals and assessing strengths and weaknesses gives us a fair shot at overcoming moments of hysteria
- Lost in trivia:
  - Defn: felling the need to be on top of everything, including all trends
    - Ex: King Philip II of Spain often read every minute detail from reports and fussed over so many small things. However, his invasion plans against Turks and English often failed because he was unable to grasp the bigger picture
  - You need to have a mental filtering system that can remove information if it is not inline with your goals. Delegate
Most of use don’t like to think too much about the future or the past and lose a connection with who we really are
- We try to not think about this by absorbing everything in the present, but this contributes to continual underlying anxiety
Embrace time as your greatest friend

Soften People’s Resistance by Confirming Their Self-opinion

The Law of Defensiveness: When we notice persuasian, we will naturally oppose since we enjoy independencnce. Creating mutual warmth, respecting and using their opinions is the only way to proceed. Learn to be less stubborn

Ex: Lyndon Johnson, master of the Senate
- Johnson used favors & appealing to people’s opinions to accumulate a huge amount of influence in the Senate
- Due to his patient study of his colleagues, he had incredible prescence that helped him become one of the youngest party leaders ever in American history
Johnson wasn’t always like this: he needed to reign in his natural aggresiveness and impatience. He was absolutely methodical in accumulating influence
Accumulating influence and power is all about focusing on others and their interests, not you! People are hungry for attention and providing that will give you influence
Step back and choose the inferior position to learn from others → do favors for them → they will reciprocate
Creating a feeling of validation in others in regards to their own identity is the most important thing to do to gain influence
Three qualities of people’s self opinion that are nearly universal:
- I am autonomous
- I am intelligent
- I am good and decent
- There are other parts of their self-opinion that are more unique, often coming from early childhood
When you convince people you can either challenge, confirm or neither confirm/challenge their self-opinion
- Confirming their self-opinion is almost always better in convincing and influencing. It provides inner security and they are more receptive to your ideas
- A key part in this is having really strong empathy so you can genuinely convey your emotions
People say influencing is bad, but these are precisely the people to be wary of. They often use passive-aggresiveness and guilt to get what they want. Influence is a natural part of any power hierarchy
People that don’t influence or put in the time are simply lazy and then justify later as if it’s a moral good that they are too lazy to influence or craft their speech. They will get trounced by those who are really good at influence
Strategies for becoming a master persuader:
- Transform yourself into a deep listener:
  - We are usually half interested in a conversation, always paying attention to our internal monologue. We should pay full attention in order to develop empathy and make them loosen up
  - Use nonverbal cues to understand which topics the person is interested in and guide conversation there. It’s totally OK (in fact good) if they dominate the conversation. You can respond by filtering their response through your own experience and validate what they said
  - Your goal is to make the other person feel better about them selves. They are the star of the convo, not you
- Infect people with the proper mood:
  - Setting a comfortable and relaxed mood around you will put others at ease as well. Using touch is a powerful way (especially with no eye contact)
  - Your involuntary body language conveys your inner mood, so think positive and uplifting thoughts about the other person to ease the mood
- Confirm their self-opinion:
  - Autonomy: frame your requests in a way that perfectly lines up with who they think they are
  - Intelligence: entertain their opinions and even allow them to change your opinion → boosts their ego
  - Goodness: frame your requests in a way that sounds morally good
- Allay their insecurities:
  - Praise their uncertainities (eg. if someone is unsure about the moral consequences of a decision, praising their goodness would help)
  - Praise people for effort, not talent. Let time pass before you make a request
  - You should be sincere and direct this onto people who have high opinions of themselves
- Use people’s resistance and stubbornness:
  - Some people are particularly stubborn and hate being influenced. You will need to use mental judo where their own stubbornness will lead to their fall
  - Use their emotions, language and rigidity for benefit. Reverse psychology often helps with these people
As we grow older, our minds become more rigid. We want to remain flexible like a child but reason like an adult
- With different ideas, seek to understand the soul of the idea before you start to judge and reason. It helps you to better understand the concept
Be aware of your own self-opinion and society’s impact on it

Change Your Circumstance by Changing Your Attitude

The Law of Self-sabotage: our attitude and outlook towards life has a huge impact on what happens to us in life. Positive, open and tolerant attitudes can spark opportunities

Ex: Anton Chekhov
- Chekhov was born to a poor family with an abusive dad. He hated his childhood.
- When his family (minus him) had to move to Moscow due to financial troubles, he developed a new loving, hard-working attitude that transformed him
- Chekhov moved to Moscow and used his new attitude as an example to help his family get out of their self-destructive streak, often caused by their poor outlook on life and others
The only thing that changed Chekhov was his attitude, which put a new spin on his traumas and hurts from childhood and helped him become far more empathetic towards his dad
By changing our attitudes and adopting a generous spirit, we can create a more empathtic human nature that is free from pettiness and negative emotions that are usually brought about by misunderstanding those around us
Even though we like to think our view on reality is objective, it really isn’t: our attitude and outlook colors our perception
Our attitude comes from genetic roots, early experiences & attachments
Our attitude not only colours our perception, but it also determines what happens to us in life - health, relationships, success
- It often generates feedback cycles
You need to be aware of your own attitude, how you approach situations (eg. are you defensive? Do you hate disruptions?) and how this impacts your rlestionships
Once you understand your own attitude better, you can then change it
Negative attitudes
- Humans hate uncertainity, so individuals who are exposed to a lot of uncertainity often constrict their experiences, build elaborate defenses and use other psychological strategies to prevent uncertainity
- Many of their strategies revolve around expecting bad things to occur, which constricts their viewpoints even further and makes psychological growth difficult. It is self-sabotaging and a vicious cycle
- Hostility: usually due to abusive childhood. Their hostility influences others to be hostile, which they don’t see they caused. They are often angry
  - It is important to enter every situation with positive thoughts if you have this problem
  - Dealing with this type of people requires neutriality and calmness rather than antagonism
- Anxiety: expect the worst to happen and fear losing control. Especially apparent if they are outside of their comfort zone
  - Common disguises of this negative attitude include a form of love involving lots of control or extremely people pleasing
  - If you struggle on this: Focus on work, assume good intent on others and be open to others mannerisms. Place yourself in situations that induce anxiety and see that you have nothing to worry about
  - To deal with people with this attitude, be soothing and radiate calmness
- Avoidant: due to childhood where they were not encouraged to excel or always reprimanded, they shirk responsibility and don’t want to try too hard
  - Symptoms: often finding escape routes in jobs & relationships or through drugs. Uses a lot of excuses and very idealistic
  - If you struggle with this: try the smallest of projects and embrace failure
  - If you know people like this, avoid them. They are too good at avoidance
- Depression: often didn’t get a lot of love and they internalize negative judgement
  - Often drawn to the gloomy and suddenly withdraw. Their actions are often quite hurtful since they want to feed on depression
  - Realize that depressive tendencies is a way for our body to tell us to slow down and withdraw. They do have use but they shouldn’t be too extensive. Focus on work and find ways to increase your energy levels
  - Never preach about the wonders of life to them. Show and let them experience positive experiences
- Resentfulness: always feel that they are not getting the respect that they deserve. If you somehow insult them, they will remember and shrewedly sabotage
  - They tend to project onto others as oppressors and become vengeful when they have power. Often have petty battles and form communities of bitter people
  - You need to let go of these negative thoughts and stop taking everything personally. Respect is earned, not given
  - Dealing with these people requires a lot of caution as they will easily break with you and will judge. Best to avoid these people
Positive attitudes
- We often tend to focus on specific psychological shortfalls (eg. depression, motivation) but attitude is the keystone. Improving attitude leads to benefits everywhere
- How to view the world: see yourself as an explorer and embrace uncertainty, new ideas and new thinking
  - Not concerned about being inconsistent or developing contradictory ideas. You are like a child with ideas, just playing around with them
  - Explore the ideas from the unconcious that leak through dreams, moments of tiredness, etc.
- How to view adversity: embrace every obstacle instead of avoiding. Think of them as learning experiences
- How to view yourself: you haven’t even reached your full capabilities. Don’t stay humble to yourself; yearn for more and feel destined for something great
  - Go search for ‘peak experiences’ as Maslow puts it. These experiences show you what you have been missing in life and are often found when going past your limits
  - Have great confidence in your spirit of resiliency
  - Positive and optimistic attitudes don’t fit well in postmodern society, but current opinions on how you should conduct yourself is simply a mask of your fears
- How to view your energy and health: never feel limited by your physical abilities and keep exercising and replenishing your energy. Never turn your attitude into a self-fulfilling prophecy
- How to view other people:
  - Don’t take everything personally. Even if it is criticism, it usually stems from a deep pain and you just became a convenient target. Don’t become emotional
  - Accept the diversity of people and their natures around you. If you accept, then you tolerate, then you can understand

Confront Your Dark Side

The Law of Repression: People cover up their insecurities with the opposite outward mannerisms. Be aware of your own dark side and use it for creative energy and authenticity

Ex: Richard Nixon
- As a young politician, Nixon was often ridiculed due to his rural upbringing. He and his wife were often never invited to political gatherings as East Coast elites and Dems hated them
- When he became president, he wanted to be committed to peace, love of country and masculinity. However, his inner bitterness towards the Dems led to the Watergate scandal
From his childhood, Nixon was needy for attention and acceptance. This manifested into his dark undertones later, which many of his colleagues noted. Nixon denied this side
Everyone crafts a personality that accentuates their strengths and conceals their weaknesses and repressed less socially acceptable traits
- These traits manifest in dreams and in times of emotional weakness, where you make comments that you will come to regret
Being aware of your dark side, you can then channel it for good and integrate it into your personality to become more authentic and cease internal strife
When the dark side or as Jung puts as the Shadow emerges, it’s as if it’s a different person. That’s how well we repress our dark side. It becomes active in emotionally weak situations (eg. stress, insults, insecurities are triggered)
- If you can figure out other people’s shadows, you can see them in 3D. You can anticipate their behaviour and avoid if necessary
Why do we all have this shadow? It’s because our parents, peers and teachers taught us to repress them in order to fit in. To become a social animal requires repression
- We then try to recapture our early unrepressed traits by acting out and releasing
Repression requires a lot of energy, so when energy is low, you will see it act out. Some examples:
- Contradictory behaviour
- Emotional outbursts: take these as face value and note as Shadow. Smaller outbursts characterized by unusual sensitivity, usually because insecurity is triggered
- Vehement denial: usually an indication that they are secretly whatever they are denying
- ”Accidental” behaviour: blame behaviour on uncontrollable tendencies. Ignore the justification and note the Shadow. Drunkenness also leads to Shadow expression
- Overidealization: we will do anything to justify our support for a cause, glossing over glaring problems (eg. mortgage-backed securities in 07-08)
  - Usually an indication that their Shadow is in control. Will bully those who oppose their viewpoint, which is repressed aggression
- Projection: very common. Hatred of something masks desire for something
Repressed behaviour is more common than ever due to social media. Just look at the popularity of media depicting villains and Machiavelliansim. This leads to the rise of demagogues
How do we prevent harmful actions of our Shadow? We first become self-aware of our Shadow and then integrate it into our work
Deciphering the Shadow
- People usually have emphatic traits that define them. You may notice a slight exaggeration of those traits, which is an indication that they are repressing the opposite trait
- Usually people cover up these traits either because it is embarrasing/uncomfortable or it would be unpopular (eg. too much ambition)
- Be very wary of those with emphatic traits, as their first impressions are not their true selves. Following are 7 of the most emphatic traits
- The Tough Guy: he has a rough masculinity nature and tends to boast about exploits. They are covering up their emotional vulnerability
  - Don’t be too intimidated by them, but don’t stir up their insecurities by doubting their tales or masculine nature. Usually very sensitive
- The Saint: paragons of goodness and purity and have endless compassion and use it for power (eg. Robespierre). Secretly covering up their love for the taboo
  - There are genuine saints out there, but their words and lives are consistent and don’t publicize their good
  - Keep distance and if necessary, shine light on the hypocrisy
- The Passive-Aggressive Charmer: extremely nice but occasionally critical and eventually will blowup. They are covering up their aggressive and envious tendencies
  - Be wary of those who are extremely nice from the outset. Look for early signs like passive-aggressive comments. Avoid if you see gossipping
- The Fanatic: very decisive and fervent about their beliefs and allow no compromise, but fail to live up to promise. Usually have massive insecurities around self-worth and love
  - They cover up their insecurities with beliefs. Under stress, their belief withers awat
  - Never be taken in by strength of conviction. The greater the strength, the greater the insecurities.
- The Rigid Rationalist: uncomfortable being emotional and likes to be clear and extremely rational. Covering up irrationality
  - Prone to outbursts if challenged. True rationality is sober and skeptical about itself
- The Snob: tries to be as exciting and exotic as possible. They are repressing their insecurity about mediocrity and origin
  - Be wary of those who are making a show out of their differences from others. Those who are actually original won’t share because they are often embarrased
- The Extreme Entrepreneur: perfectionists but cannot take advise and mistrust those who do not share their high standards. Go from complete control to dependence on others
  - They are repressing their want for care and dependency on others
  - You can identify these people by recurring health issues, sudden need to be pampered. Biggest sign is losing control. Don’t get involved; usually has a lot of collateral damage
Some people are extremely comfortable with themselves and can play their role in life with distance. Often very authentic and childlike, but people are drawn to them
- These people have integrated their Shadow and know how to control it
Steps to reconnecting to the Shadow
- See the Shadow: take note of indirect signs, emphatic traits, what you hate in others (usually you have that trait), others’ opinion on you, your childhood repression from parents & peers and dreams
- Embrace the Shadow: acknowledge and integrate the Shadow as part of your personality
- Explore the Shadow: use unstructured time to allow the Shadow to play with ideas. Externalize it through art or writing
- Show the Shadow: assert yourself when opportune and don’t always follow social rules. This is rooted in less care for others opinions. Use your Shadow when necessary

Beware the Fragile Ego

The Law of Envy: every human compares, but many will create envy out of comparison. Learn to deflect attention away and develop self-worth from internal standards

Ex: Mary Shelley, author of the Frankenstein
- Percy & Mary Shelley invited Jane Williams and her husband to stay for a while. Mary immediately noticed Jane’s jealousy but paid no mind
- When Percy died, Jane spread false rumours about Mary which cut off much of her support. She found out and slowly cut ties with Jane and became successful due to her writing
Envy is everywhere and most common among friends. In fact, envious people will try to be friends to sabotage
Detecting envy requires alertness. They often give wrong but well-reasoned advice, talk behind our backs or other friends will tell you
- It’s hard to detect because we never express envy directly, it’s always through other emotions. We also disguise envy from ourselves by telling ourselves about unfairness or luck
Envy is so painful because you have to admit that you are inferior
Two types of envy: passive and active
- Passive: everyone feels pangs of envy and makes small off-hand comments occasionally. Never manifests into something destructive. Ignore, as this is normal
- Active: acting on the envy in a destructive manner. Pay close attention
Signs of envy:
- Microexpressions: usually have unpleasant faces when you tell of success or joyful faces when you tell of failures. Only visible in a few seconds
- Poisonous praise: they give praise to you but it makes you uncomfortable, highlights the parts you don’t like
- Backbiting: they gossip a lot → they will gossip about you. Your friends may become cooler around you
- Push and pull: become close friends but start to criticize you about things that aren’t directly related to you. Signs of betrayal
Envier types:
- Usually rooted in childhood issues of attention and love. Many people, when faced with lack of attention, will focus on moments of lots of attention. Enviers can’t do that and their envy remains latent in their life that pops up at stressful moments
- The Leveller: have a wicked sense of humour that criticizes those who have acheived success. Cannot give recognition to anyone that has acheived success
  - They have fragile egos and cannot take jokes themselves. Much of their life story, in their view, is a series of injustices and they are always blameless
- The Self-entitled Slacker: feel entitled to success without actually working on anything
  - They usually get by through charm & politics rather than quality of output
- The Status Fiend: they care a lot about status and material posessions. If you deem to have a higher status than them, they will backstab you
  - Downplay your posessions and boost theirs to avoid triggering envy
- The Attacher: they try to attach to those who have power and money. Extremely syncophantic
  - They will use their close position to ruin you. Usually characterized by a lack of purpose in their life
- The Insecure Master: they attain high positions but are insecure about their positions, so they prevent upward growth for underlings
  - Let your work become your master’s work and let them take the praise. Your time will come later
Envy triggers
- Sudden change in status may lead to envy from those in your position
  - Avoid playing up your accomplishments and attributing more to luck. Be willing to help others. Don’t praise people of the same professions in front of them
- Natural talents and gifts
  - Show your flaws strategically. When JFK failed in his Cuba invasion and took responsibility, his approval went up because the mistake humanized his otherwise perfect life
- High-achieving women get a lot of envy unfortunately
If you find yourself under attack from an envier, do not respond with emotion and get distance. Defend yourself but don’t go for revenge; their miserable lives are enough punishment for them
Envy is very common now that we have social media. Expect this to pick up
It’s near impossible to stop comparing ourselves with others because we are social animals. Instead, we should transmute the comparison into something positive, using the following stratgies:
- Move closer to what you envy: if you understand what is going on behind the facade, they will be humanized to you. You will also see the perils of acheiving their success
  - Be careful not to level them down or mitigating their achievements, as they fully deserved it. Instead, mitigate your envy
- Engage in downward comparisons: seeing what those of lesser status have to deal with will give you more gratitude. Practice gratitude as much as you can
- Practice _Mitfreude_: rejoice at the success of others and try to internalize what they must have been feeling during their success. This will develop your empathy
- Transmute envy into emulation: when you see someone who is more successful than you, you should strive to meet their level rather than trying to bring them down
  - Requires: understanding your capacity to grow, developing the work ethic to back that up
  - You can immunize yourself against this by really understanding your purpose in life
- Admire human greatness: celebrate the acheivements of your models and include one living person
  - Cultivate those moments where you have deep appreciation for others and for your surroundings

Know Your Limits

The Law of Grandiosity: your self-opinion may be inflated due to success, which prevents you from making rational decisions. Be realistic

Ex: Michael Eisner, former CEO of Disney
- He did a terrific job in resurrecting companies, including Disney. He had an extremely large ego that made it very difficult for others to work with him
- His grandiosity inflicted huge losses on Disney and he had to resign
When Eisner started to receive praise from media, this feeded into his delusion and soon his decisions became divorced from reality. He often subtracted the efforts of his colleagues from his successes
Most people’s self-opinion is a little inflated. It’s fine if this gives you confidence, but we have to be vigilant that we don’t inflate our egos too much
- Never forget the contributions of timing, luck and how others helped you achieve your success. Be vigilant about being complacent after you have achieved something
Determining whether you are grandiose is hard because your self-perception is distorted
- Signs: over-estimating your skills, underestimating obstacles in your way, thinking you can easily predict people, quitting responsibilities to further yourself, passivity
Grandiosity is often seen in spoiled children. We are seeing increases today due to social media, pampering, distrust in authority
Grandiosity also manifests in false humility, inability to remove their public mask, big talkers, low empathy
If grandiosity is paired with talent, people can rise to high positions and become leaders. They depend on attention being given to them, so they use the following illusions:
- I am destined: often talk about how they accomplished certain things in the past
- I’m the common man/woman: they emphasize the similarity in cultural traits with the common person, but they act completely differently
- I will deliver you: make large and vague promises about the future and create scapegoats as they rise
- I rewrite the rules: try to change the rules governing them and won’t follow advice
- I have the golden touch: will downplay or ignore their losses and will play up their ‘transferable’ skills
- I’m invulnerable: they will do things to create splashes, never resting or retreating
- Creating viral disenchantment is your best bet at dismantling this
Grandiose energy is not a problem, but it’s the way that we direct the energy. Practical grandiosity channels the energy into work, goals, relationships and honing skills
- We don’t attract attention because of who we are, but rather our work
- Come to terms with your grandiose needs: denying this will cause more issues, you need to be self-aware
- Concentrate the energy: you want to focus on a single project and be realistic with progress. Work on developing skills while focusing on the project
- Maintain a dialogue with reality: ask and listen closely to the flaws in your plan and learn from your failures. Step back when you are achieving and note the factors of luck and others have contributed to it
- Seek out calibrated challenges: you want to be looking for projects that are just above your skill level. Not too difficult and not too easy
- Let loose your grandiose energy: sometimes it is necessary to entertain big ideas or let the ego get to your head in order to be charismatic. However, it is done occasionally and purposefully

Reconnect to the Masculine and Feminine in You

The Law of Gender Rigidity: sometimes we overidentify with one side and we lose out on creative potential. We can create our own gender role

Advance with a Sense of Purpose

The Law of Aimlessness: We feel that we are drifting along in life. We need to counteract by discovering our calling in life and acting according to this purpose

Resist the Downward Pull of the Group

The Law of Conformity: We become totally different people in group settings and that can overwhelm our individuality. Develop self-awareness to prevent this

Make Them Want to Follow You

The Law of Fickleness: People are ambivalent of leaders and will turn on you in weakness. Cultivate proper authority not through equality but through competence and kindness

See the Hostility Behind the Friendly Facade

The Law of Aggression: People have unrealized aggressive desires that can turn to manipulation. Recognize the power of emotion in cultivating this and prevent by channelling into something productive

Seize the Historical Moment

The Law of Generational Myopia: Your generation has a huge effect on you. By learning about other generations and history, you can capitalize on trends earlier

Meditate on Our Common Mortality

The Law of Death Denial: Becoming deeply aware of everyone’s mortality will develop empathy and will motivate us to make the most out of life

Aaron Abraham

Explorer

Laws of Human Nature